Here Comes a Cashin...

From day one, Zoey has not had a real baby cry. We’re guessing the heart-wrenching, blood curdling, make you want to “SAVE THE BABIES!” wail is on its way; she’s got the scream face down but no sound comes out. It’s sad and adorable. For now, we have a collection of cute little cries and coos that we’ve taken to interpret as follows:

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh: This was the only cry she had for the first four days. It’s unbearably cute. Sort of done as a break between more serious stuff. We hear it as “I hear what you’re saying and I’m on board…BUT I’M HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNGRYYYYY!”

Ooh Laaaa, Ooh Laaaa: The calming down cry. This signals she’s once again consolable and wants to be snuggled up under your chin. 

AH AH AH AH AH!!!: I need you to pull up the audio file of The Count from Sesame Street. That’s EXACTLY what this sounds like. It’s a prelude to her dry little “MEHHHHHHHHH!” (her most serious and swaddle-worthy cry) and every time she does it I think “ONE! TWO! TWO BOOBIES! AH AH AH AH AH!!!”

Meh.: Not to be confused with the aforementioned “MEHHHH!” This one’s her closer. We hear, “Whatever.” There’s a turn of her head that goes with this just to clarify that she’s over it. This more apathetic one is also the signal that she may have pooped, giving it more of a “Ha. Now clean that up” tone.

So yes, after months of making very vocal (both on and offline) my distain of the kitchen and my new found appreciation for easy food (you know…the kind you wouldn’t take home to mom and dad, winkity wink), I came home and “destroyed it” in the kitchen. According to kids these days, destroying is a good thing.

Now as we’ve seen my food photos are laughable so instead I’ll link things up here, so that you can make these tasty treats on your own (and really because I need a good bragging sesh.)

Gingerbread Muffins: Yeah. What a rip off. I can’t actually give you the recipe since it’s in a book that Heather (doula) handed over to me. This is my first attempt from The Allergen-Free Baker’s Handbook and surprisingly, I didn’t totally mess it up. The muffins are really, really rich. Probably because I didn’t bake them long enough but they still get my vote, and Marc’s too (he just came in and gave them a thumbs up!) These will now be a staple around here.

Veggie Summer Rolls: Right now, overcooked veggies are not doing it for me so I figured this was a perfect time to attempt spring rolls and you know what? Rice paper is not as scary as it seems. You’re all geniuses with spatulas so I’m sure you’ve known this for a while. These came out really well and were actually fun to make!

Spaghetti Squash Casserole/Lasagna/Belly Party: No link here since I have made this up based on another recipe passed along by Heather (wow I am a creeper.) Anyway I just bake the squash, scoop it out, mix it in a pyrex baking dish with an egg, some pepperoni or sausage, and tomato sauce. Depending on my mood I top with shredded cheese or nothing at all and I pop it in the oven on 350 for 30 minutes or so. The last time I made this Marc was away so I had a whole dish of it and just ate it all week. So yummy. Tonight’s is looking a little watery. Not sure what’s up with that…

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups: This is cheating since technically I haven’t made these yet but they’re happening, tonight!

Green Smoothies: These will also be happening once the pears ripen up a bit! I make a few switches and use kale instead of spinach and almond milk instead of avocado. If I am really in the mood for a milkshake I forget the pear and use a frozen banana instead, adding peanut butter and cacao (or cocoa!) powder as well!

Kris Carr’s Green Smoothie

Makes enough for 2 people. You can adjust the recipe accordingly. My taste buds are different than yours so don’t be afraid to play!

-1 Avocado
-1-2 pieces of low glycemic fruit: we love green apple, pear, berries & cantaloupe
-1 Cucumber
-A bit of kale or romaine or spinach
-Coconut water (or purified water)
-Stevia to taste
*You can also add a sprinkle of cinnamon and some cacao.
*You can also use coconut meat or almond butter or nut milk in place of avocado.

I wanted to start this out with “We’re counting the days and hours now!” but truth be told, we’re not. While we’re both excited to meet the babe, I’m not having any of the “get this baby out of me” urges yet. See how I bolded that there?? It means in a couple days when you get a cranky call from me you are not at all allowed to be all snarky with the ”but I thought you had no urges at all.” Same page amigo?? Bueno.

The main reason we haven’t been counting is because there’s just no way to know when she’ll be here…I mean, minus the surges of intense pressure. I hear those are a pretty clear signal.

Until then however, it’s a guessing game. Sure you may lose your plug (Yep. So that line has been crossed.) or feel crampy or experience back pain or whatever. From what I’ve heard, read, and experienced so far though, nothing is a sure sign. In the last day I’ve been told “you’ll deliver in the next 24 hours because you’ve dropped even lower” and “she’ll be here by tomorrow because it’s a full moon tonight” and “don’t make any plans for the next day or two because your belly button has totally popped.” I nod and smile and say “weeeeeeeee‘ll see, won’t we?” because it’s not nice to say “sometimes I lose all memory of why I spend time around you.”

So to review, you will know you are about to have a baby when… ?????

It’s definitely more an art than a science. What I can say is never, ever, ever, ever no matter how curious you get, George, never jump on a baby forum to find out if you’re experiencing labor. Those things could convince a man he’s pregnant and minutes away from delivery. (That reminds me, have I told you about the time I jokingly made a comment to a priest that based on his symptoms he sounded pregnant? No?? Moral of the storyis don’t do that.) So shut it down. Walk away from BabyCenter and Baby and the Bump and BabyCentre, you know just in case you think the Brits would have a more educational forum. Wrong.

What this helps me to realize is that in the future it’s going to be very, very important that I mess with pregnant women. I’m going to make up the most ridiculous “I knew she was on her way” story possible. It will involve a seven hour sneezing fit, spontaneous bursts of kart wheels (“yeah like I dunno I just really needed to wheel-it for a while.”), and feeling like it was Christmas morning 24/7. And now you think, “Katie Cashin: biggest jerkwad ever” and I applaud you for finally arriving at this conclusion.

But seriously, I will of course add that whatever is experienced in the days before birth it’s most likely gross. Gross in the best way possible. Whether it’s what you’re feeling, what’s coming out of you, the taste in your mouth, the sensation in your stomach.  Gross in a way that shows you your partner is really, really awesome because he or she is so not as grossed out by it as you are. In fact, this person seems to like you even more now. This person should be (given a psych eval and) shown lots of appreciation.

So there! There’s a clear sign. When things start to get gross and your partner and friends are still loving you you know your baby is on the way.

And that you have it pretty darn good.